Weight Loss and self sabotage!!!

Okay, I am scared to get on the scale. My pants are tight and I am puffy. If I told you what I ate this weekend, you would see why. I am experiencing an absolute lack of control and gone is a care about having control. How am I supposed to lose weight this way?

So, then I got to thinking. Am I sabotaging myself intentionally against my best weight loss efforts? I know that it sounds crazy but I wonder about my motives. I have not been this out of control with my eating in years. Then I look back at when I was losing weight -- probably 3 years ago. I am reminded about what a hero I was because I was getting control and my clothes were constantly getting looser. I was losing weight and getting a lot of attention. Could I be doing this to get that kind of attention again? I am really thinking about this question. Of course, this thought process is at the risk of my health and my flabby well being.

With this thought in the back of my head, I am really trying to focus on doing the right things -- you know, those that a girl trying to lose weight should do. This morning I went swimming twice for 30 minutes each time. I have also really chilled out on my eating today (it is about time). Wish me luck!